Being a mom gives you superpowers for doing stuff you don’t want to do: This mindset actually holds you back.
As a mom there are some things you must do that you don’t want to – but wearing your ability to do them anyway as a badge of honor will get you into trouble. Whether it’s in your career or life doing too many things that you don’t want to do will lead you to burnout.
Why do moms feel pressured to hold the “Superhuman Badge of Honor?”
It comes down to conditioning, specifically the belief that you must be a superhero to hold your place in the world as a Mom. But the truth is that you are a superhero by just being a mom.
You just are. It’s all the little moments and little things you do to help your kids feel safe, empowered, and loved.
I will go even further to say, you are SUPER, just by being HUMAN.
I am a mom myself, so I speak from my own experience. There are beliefs that I have that I know many other moms have. One thing I see over and over is the focus on faults. When something goes wrong – we search for what we could have done better instead of saying we did the best that we could. We can reflect on what we learned and if appropriate, what we could do better next time.
When we think we need to be good at everything we constantly feel we must live up to that belief and it amplifies the loss of self-worth.
Society tells us more is better. That we need to do more as a mom and that we need to get our kids in more things to be a better mom. I no longer have this false belief – but I did for many years.
Please hear this AND take it to heart:
Before I learned about Human Design, I was full of conditioning.
I was conditioned by beliefs of what I should do as a mom – particularly as a working mom.
Society tells us to move faster and do more. I started to hold myself to this unreachable standard. I tried to keep up, in daily life, at work, on vacations, and with my kids. Not all of it was stuff that was meant for me…and I became burned out.
I felt like I had to be perfect at home and at work. That I had to be a supermom at home and be a super corporate woman who needed to keep up with the men at work. I don’t even know how to explain this conundrum— you literally can’t do both. Modern society at the office requires sacrifice in the home. I do see things changing slowly.
I was burned out by my ambition to be super.
I finally woke up one day and decided enough was enough. I decided I wasn’t okay with things the way they were, so I decided to step out of the traditional role as an employee and became a contract worker so I could try to flow better in both roles. So far, it’s working for me. I know this is not an option for every type of job. However, what I am trying to share is that it’s time to take a pause and see what could be possible.
Are there places to do less or simplify in both areas of your life (at home and work)?
I am confident there is. The advice I give to people struggling to be better at work is actually to do less, not more. It’s doing the important and urgent things; it’s prioritizing and delegating so you are doing those things you are really good at that you love. It’s about sorting through it with your manager if you need to – and finding out what can be taken off your plate and done better by someone else or in a different way.
The advice I give parents at home is to not care what others think and tune into how you feel about things. If you are feeling stressed, you are probably doing too much. It’s kind of the same thing, prioritize and delegate. I have found it helpful to look at activities with my kids and find out what they really want to do and how much they really feel is good for them to do too.
Mom’s need to know about what super really means, because trying to maintain superhero status by being good at EVERYTHING will lead to burnout.
“Nearly 10 Million Working Moms are Burned Out…”-Yaёl Bizoutati-Kennedy
Moms were burned out before last year, but even more so now.
The good news is, you can do something about it:
I’ve learned to keep things simpler and to focus on a few things that are my superpowers.
- You may first want to clear out some of your conditioning. Check out my blog about How to Marie Kondo Your Energy Field to clear some stuff out of the way. Likely over half the stuff you do, you do on autopilot or from a conditioned place – so you are doing stuff you think you should based on beliefs and are wasting your precious energy.
- Then it’s time to find some of your strengths or superpowers. I like the StrengthsFinder model which focuses on your key strengths. The model sticks to three things you are best at – because there are about a million things that you could be good at. You physically can’t be good at everything and you don’t need to be.
Focusing on the top couple or few of your personal strengths will make you feel empowered and valued.
You may already intuitively know some of your strengths, but if you want some help – or maybe even to think of things from a new perspective, your Human Design chart can give you some guidance.
Human Design can help you identify the gifts you are here to share with the world. I start with the top two things you are meant to give the world; they are: conscious sun and unconscious sun.
How to find your real superpowers in your human design chart.
Let’s take a quick look at how Human Design can connect you with your true superpowers. Your chart has many, many superpowers. I am going to start with the top 2! The sun gates, both conscious (black) and unconscious (red) are what you are here to give to the world. If you only pick one to dig into – your conscious sun is what your whole chart kind of funnels through. It’s the main expression of your chart. Of course, you want to be living out the highest expression of it, so it’s helpful to decondition and get to the truth of who you are (by shedding what’s not yours).
Here’s how to locate your top 2 superpowers:
- Get your chart out.
- Look at your sun gates. Write down the numbers.
- Look up the gate number and write down the essence.
- Journal or experiment. Some people like to reflect on things with questions. Others just like to start doing things based on the new awareness or information. Journaling about what you’re processing can help you integrate and put it into action.
Here are a few journaling questions:
- How do you see yourself living out the energy of this gate?
- Have you noticed yourself giving away this energy as a gift to others? Do you see this gift as a gift at all? How can you appreciate it more in order to discern when and to whom to give it to?
- Are you living out the gate energy in a positive way?
- Where could you be expressing it more?
- Do you relate to the energy in your sun gates? If not, I suggest watching the videos – it explains a little more how the energy can relate to your life.
- What surprised you from the essence of your sun gates?
Remember, you are super because you are human. Doing more or being a certain way because you think you should will lead to burnout.
The key is to be authentic first. Be resilient in what you know in your gut is correct for you. If you love doing it all and it fuels you, by all means – do it all. If it doesn’t fuel you, don’t. If it’s important for your kids, but it’s not something you can handle – get help.
You are worthy because you are alive.