As Moms, we want what’s best for our kids, and we try to protect them. Sometimes we hold on too tight. What if we focused on empowering them, especially our daughters? Our Moms fought for the right to have a career outside the home. We fight for the balance required to try to do what they did at home (including the hidden workload) and be successful at work. But we have the opportunity to teach the next generation to be empowered to feel like they are enough in whatever they choose.
1| The first step is to get your own stuff figured out.
You show your kids through being yourself how they should be. Your kids can see you for who you are. They can tell when you are faking it; they know if you act the same at home or outside of the house. They can tell if you don’t love your job, your partner, or even being a mom. You are a role model for being human. You can use Human Design to peel back the layers and figure out who you are. Remove your own façade and speak your truth more.
2| Let her be who she is and honor her for it.
Just as you are learning what is best for you, you can learn what is best for her. You can start by looking up her Human Design chart, starting with just one thing, like Type. Is she similar to you? Or does her energy work entirely differently, and you have been assuming she works as you do. For example, if you are a Manifesting Generator and like to be on the go and do many different things and can easily be heard. But let’s say your daughter is a Projector who needs space from people to release their energy and needs to be recognized to really be heard. How could you empower her more, knowing how her energy works?
3| Let her make choices that are right for her.
You can do this by learning about the seven different Human Design decision making authorities. Each Authority is a unique way your body tells you the answer and gives you clarity.
Kids want to make decisions at an early age. There are many choices you can give your kids. I learned this first when I was learning about the methods of Love and Logic. What if we could teach our kids how to make choices easily in the right way? Something as simple as what color crayon she chooses, what sports she plays, how many things she does in a day, what she wears, etc.
We see our daughters struggle to make the best choices due to conditioning (from peers, but also us – even if we have the best intentions). What if you found out your daughter was a Generator and could ask them Yes/No questions and quickly find out what she really wants. Or that she is a Reflector and that you need to give her time to decide. Or a Projector, and she needs to talk it out (and not necessarily take your advice) to hear her own words to come to clarity. Or she’s a Manifestor, and she will have internal sparks that you have nothing to do with and that trying to control only dampens her truth.
4| Tell her these five words. “It’s going to be okay.”
What is the most comforting phrase we hear when something terrible happens? “It’s going to be okay.” Or these two words. “It’s okay.”
What if we could stay out of our ego as a parent, and no matter how frustrated we are, and tell our kids, “It’s going to be okay”? How would that have felt if you grew up with the phrase ingrained in your head? Would you be more daring? More loving of yourself? More loving of your mistakes and others? Human Design shows us that it is all okay. There is no good or bad in the chart. The challenges are things we are learning, but it’s still okay. The pain comes from getting stuck thinking it’s bad, wrong, or just the way it is and that you deserve it. These two words “it’s okay” can pop you out of that self-defeating mind chatter.
5| Allow her to show you what she can do.
When you feel like you need to overpower your daughter, find where she can be more empowered. I learned that kids act out because a need isn’t being met, and then we act out in response. Like when your kid refuses to brush her teeth, we may put our feet down as firmly as she does, requiring her to do it anyway. But she may be showing you it’s time for more responsibility or power.
I have continuously been amazed by what I don’t think my kids are ready to do, and then they show me they can when I am not looking. And I am struck with awe and humbled by the notion that I was actually holding them back by doing too much for them.
When I was young, I may have been told that I could be anything… but of course, the idea was that you could be that as an adult. For example, maybe you write a story you are proud of and wish it could be published. Well, guess what? We can empower our kids to not even wait for stuff like this. My nieces (with contributions from my kids) wrote this book: Meet the Essential Explorers, to help share the joy and benefits of essential oils in a fun way. The process showed them that they don’t have the same limits we were told at that age. The book is magical because it’s meant for kids to talk to other kids from their self-expression.
6| Teach her how to self-regulate.
Self-regulation is a concept that has probably been around for a long time, but I don’t remember learning it. It’s regulating your behavior without external control. You learn to handle from within. 😊 I know that it’s being taught in the schools now and through mainstream movies like “Inside Out.”
We all have emotions. Emotions drive behaviors. Emotions are meant to be signals, but we get stuck in them, and so do our daughters.
In Human Design, we can even pinpoint emotions that tell us when we are doing something not right for us. For Generators, it’s frustration. If you feel frustrated, it means you need to course-correct; something is off-path to your authentic alignment. For Manifesting Generators, it’s impatience (frustration + anger and comes from creative disruption); for Manifestors it’s anger (which also comes from creative disruption); for Projectors, it’s bitterness or resentment and Reflectors, it feels like a disappointment.
My friend, Dr. Amanda Desua, wrote a unique children’s book about self-regulation called “Frog Slime. A Child’s Guide to Calming Down” What I found even more interesting is that it ties to the emotions of frustration and anger, which is the emotional signal for 70% of the population. It’s a fantastic resource for all your Generator and Manifesting Generator kiddos.
That’s just one way to look at emotions through the Human Design lens. We also can look at the Emotional Solar Plexus Center, the shapes in your chart. You can either be an empath (if it’s white) or have an emotional wave (if it’s colored in). It’s about half the population for either. Self-regulation has a different flavor for each.
When you are an empath, it means you feel others’ emotions. Sometimes you keep them like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoes. If your daughter is an empath, you need to teach her to let emotions flow through her. And to be aware of this as she enters different scenarios. Think about school. It’s a ton of energy blasting at her every day.
But, if your daughter has the Emotional Solar Plexus Center defined, it will not only take longer to make decisions that feel good, but her emotions may vary depending on where she is on her emotional wave. In simplest terms, her wave is an internal emotional state that goes from outward creative expression to inward introspection. It could go up and down daily, within a week, a month, or even by season. It varies for everyone. But regardless, sometimes she will either not realize she’s in the introspection place and feels like it’s her fault she is feeling a little more introspective. It can feel low based on society standards – even though it’s meant to be restorative – think sitting on a couch on a rainy day, reading a book, drinking a cup of tea.
Sometimes it just is the way it is, so showing her it’s time to nurture herself during those times instead of being even harder on herself is critical. Sometimes it’s doing little things to increase her vibration, so she doesn’t get stuck there. It’s intentionally meant to oscillate – she might go crazy if she was outwardly expressing herself all the time. Another tip is to give her time to make decisions. It will make it feel so much better for her if she feels honored in this way. If you know there’s a deadline, plant the seed early, so she has time.
I just want to throw one last thing in here for you. Essential oils can shift moods in minutes and enhance positive emotions because they hold a high vibration. So, here’s a rollerball blend you can make your daughter, so she can boost her power at any time and have the tool at her fingertips. We are designed to feel powerful. When we do not feel powerful, we will experience pain in our life. When we are unbalanced in empowerment, we lose our ability to assert our true selves. This is not something we want to teach our daughters. We want to teach her that she can be the one in control of her life.
The following essential oil blend supports a positive self-image and can help you identify with a sense of empowerment. I can!
I am empowered blend: Recipe (5ml roller bottle)
Fill the rest with fractionated coconut oil and draw a circle around your belly button or roll on the bottom of your feet.
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